If I were a harem lead… – Dark Stripey's 5 fantasies
Condemnation, derision and contempt are some just common currencies when trading words on harem leads. While many would pen volumes of praise and poetry for their haremettes, most would rather swallow their pencils than to put in a good word for harem leads. But being a harem lead is not easy (no I don't speak from experience XD). Instead of thoughtlessly condemning these poor sods, why not put yourself in their shoes so that your subsequently judgment can be much more severe and well-thought out you can feel their pain and thank the anime gods that you don't inherit the cruel destiny of trampling beautiful shoujo hearts?
That's what this exercise aims to do. To simulate the harem-lead role and discover how low you'd sink yourself experience the ordeal 'first hand'. Here's what I'd do if I were....
Takayuki (Kimi ga nozomu eien)
- I would refuse to pay the hitman. The deal was death not coma.
- I'd jump Akane in the cab and skip town in that same vehicle. But not before setting Shinji's home on fire.
Saito (Zero no Tsukaima)
I'd woo Henrietta, become the Tristani king, employ Siesta as my chambermaid (yes she can permanently stay in my chambers) and take Louise as a concubine (her loyalty to royalty - Henrietta - guarantees my success!)
Junichi (Da Capo)
On the pretext of keeping our relationships clandestine (for Nemu - to prevent the inbreeding gestapo from hauling us to sisconcentration camps. For Kotori - to keep her fanboys in school from castrating me), I'd be able to stealthily two-time Nemu and Kotori. Oh I'd have to first kill the sakura tree to remove Kotor's annoying power. XD
Rin (SHUFFLE!)
Marry Sia since Shin-kai allows polygamy. Woo Rin next and become the overlord of both worlds. Next invade Earth with the might of both realms and enslave every human. Enforce universal polygamy laws and LEGALLY marry Asa and Kaede. Enjoy harem bliss for 30 years. When everyone's old, crown Primula as the eternal queen.
Mizuho (Otome wa boku ni koishiteru)
Imagine 2 consecutive Onee-samas of the school as... lovers?! Yes, that's the stuff of LEGEND I'd create on campus with Shion. Plus, not a dull day when all your dates can be conducted in 2 distinct flavours - pseudo-yuri or hetero-fun.
I'm starting to see why God didn't give me harem opportunities. Anyhow, the above mental exercise is looking more like an eroge walkthrough for the harem end rather than an attempt to understand the struggles of the harem guys. Anyhow, I'm satisfied with the outcome since I've learn quite a few thing about myself like why I enjoy the harem genre in the first place. Will post a more extensive list when I figure out what I would do if I were Makoto (School Days)....
PS: These are 5 series highlighted are some of my favourite of the genre. Try it for some wholesome harem fun.
PPS: Dark Stripey (who wrote this post) is not to be confused with Stripey who is pure, honourable and happily married with a lolicious lovely wife.
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January 14th, 2009 - 11:54
What would you do differently if you were Makoto in School Days? There were really only like two girls he didn’t bang…
I also made this AnimeNano pic for Dark Stripey to use.
January 14th, 2009 - 12:04
LOL,Nice plan on shuffle, very well thouht, it’s hard to be popular
January 14th, 2009 - 12:17
Correction this is hardly evil, indeed it is rather the rational thing to do. Except for you lame plan as Takayuki you have to pay the hitman, otherwise the hitman might feel like killing you for free. Just because you have ambition doesn’t mean you are worth a damn in a fire fight. Besides any would be hitman would have a reputation to maintain, getting grifted by employers isn’t one they want.
January 14th, 2009 - 13:08
Great post…it’s a pity we’ll never see an “if” OVA version of any of your plans coming to fruition ^_^
January 14th, 2009 - 16:14
But Dark Stripey is the real Stripey… the normal online HNTD Stripey is the filtered, purified NEWater version. BTW we need MOAR Dark Stripey posts!!
Looks like Kabitzin has really revealed the tanuki’s true colours!
January 15th, 2009 - 02:19
Stripey I love your plans for ZnT and Shuffle!, they are pretty similar to mine (but I have to admit I didn’t think that I you could woo Louise with her loyalty to Henrieta). Sadly we have yet to find a way to move ourselves to anime universes. Personally I’d decide for Clannad universe, Tomoyo is definitely greatest female ever presented in any anime series (IMHO) and I wouldn’t have to worry about competition from Tomoya.
January 15th, 2009 - 23:25
Kabitzin: Yup I’d jump Kokoro and Setuna too I’d probably stuff my head down the meat-grinder by ep 3. Thanks for the cool avatar! I may need to make a pink version for my next post – “If I were an anime bisoujo – Pink Stripey’s 5 fantasies” XD
SHIUMI: yesss. XD But we can purchase popularity with power ;P
Crusader: Ahh.. I’ll pay in full if he finish his job at the hospital then. XD In fact the aftermath will also give me the chance to comfort then draw closer to the grieving but still fabulous Akane.. MWAHAHAAHA!
suguru: That said, I wouldn’t want to watch DC.HnTd too. It’s been like School Days only starring our eternal goddess… NOOOOOOO!!
Zyl: Wasn’t it you who put an X on my tamago? XD
Kain: It’s odd that I don’t feel as much as I should for Clannad’s bishoujos. My 3 top would be Mei, Kyou and Sanae. Yes, Sanae who is grandmotherly by anime standards XD Oh on ZnT, I’d also probably try to ‘acquire’ Tabitha through a political marriage. XD
January 16th, 2009 - 15:12
[ID SOJOURNER]
Dark Stripey. You are my new best friend.
January 17th, 2009 - 01:25
LOL! *high-fives ID* There’s no fighting the Dark Side! XD
January 17th, 2009 - 01:34
You know… frankly, that’s how I figured Shuffle! was actually going to roll. I mean they spent so much freaking budget and energy playing up the polygamy and worlds and the sci-fi angle…. and then poof….. they write some of the most wretched character-twisting phlegm to get to the “surprise result” (which was telegraphed in the first five episodes anyway). (grumble, grrr) It wasn’t the “choice” that annoyed me so much as the amateurish way they wrote the script to get there.
Argh…. its been years and it still annoys me.
Yes, polygamy FTW….
The funny thing is that the manga actually made more sense in some similar way as your plan
January 17th, 2009 - 10:44
Vexx: SHUFFLE! was a rather flawed show but I somehow managed to enjoy it for the Asa, Kaede and Primula bits
Zyl who played the game was very impressed by how coherent the anime turned out given the mediocre source. The central theme is the joint immortality experiment the God-Demon realms undertook which threaded through Asa, Primula and even Nerine’s tales. Sia and Kaede’s stories was appended to Nerine and Asa’s tales respectively. Overall they did admirable given that much of the individual game stories don’t quite converge. I particularly enjoy how they remind us this central theme via the background ramblings of the teachers in the class. My major lament of the series was Asa’s concluding arc. Her stubborn refusal to use magic ran against the wise, matured Asa we knew. But I suppose that was necessary for the dramatic move that Rin had to pull in response. I reckon you wouldn’t be getting the boxset? 
January 17th, 2009 - 22:16
I thought the transition from Kaede to Asa was handled quite poorly (no closure for Kaede; “love from afar??? what hell…) And yes, they made Asa look like a blooming idiot after spending 3/4 of the series portraying her as a logical thinking lass.
The last episode was about 80% obnoxious between the horrid animation and the pseudo-reset (Asa got him but lets chase him anyway…???). Yeah, the teacher’s ramblings, the demon world, and many other aspects had me expecting some interesting science fiction … which they seemed to waste a bit.
Aye, the game was average (did enjoy the Nerine arc) and the manga was sweet/charming.
But this is off-topic rumination …. I totally concur with your plans.
January 20th, 2009 - 01:52
now we envy…
Aizawa Yuichi:
In a sense he doesn’t need to do anything, every time he gets with a girl, she would die in the end. And after they all died of weird circumstances, you still have your cousin.
Lelouch:
one word, Geass
Negima:
simply an impossible-to-go-wrong situation
January 21st, 2009 - 10:46
Your solution for Shuffle sounds strangely convincing… XD
January 22nd, 2009 - 09:39
Vexx: Hmmm maybe I should check out the manga.. Does it have a Primula end?
Vin-nii: LOL! And Nayuki needs more love! I still feel she was shafted in both the KyoAni and Toei Kanon. XD
ETERNAL: Believe it.
If I were Rin… MWAHAHAHHAAHAH!!